Letting go
by Sake1
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing in life is finding the one you love and losing them.


**Title: Letting go**

**Rating: NC 17**

**Pairings: Goyle/Crabbe, Millicent/Goyle**

**Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing in life is finding the one you love and losing them.**

**Warnings: Spoilers for DH, masturbation, frontage, light bandage, dubcon**

**Word Count: 1,824**

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

"She hates me." Gregory said as he heard the door slam upstairs. He looked up at the ceiling as he cursed Harry Potter for the 7th time that day. If things had gone differently he wouldn't have to deal with an overly dramatic ten year old girl or a wife who had decided on a whim to become attractive and bother him constantly to do the same.

"She doesn't hate you." Millicent said softly as he heard her heels clicking across the floor. "She just doesn't understand."

"Why is it such a big deal this year?" Gregory asked rubbing his temples with his fingers.

"Well, darling it will be her eleventh birthday." Others might have heard it as simply stating an obvious fact but Gregory heard the guilt dripping from her voice.

"It's not like I'll be gone all day or anything." Gregory said simply. "I'll just be gone a couple of hours."

"You'll be visiting a grave of someone who died in the war trying to kill the hero of the Wizarding world." Millicent said simply.

"We were all fighting on the other side Mill!" Gregory said glaring across the kitchen at her.

"He's been dead for a good 18 years, Greg." Millicent said walking out of the kitchen. "It's time to let him go."

_It had started seventh year. Draco had been disgraced and punished for failing The Dark Lord. Crabbe and himself had quickly over the summer become popular, the type of Slytherin everyone was meant to aim for. Gregory felt sorry for Draco shrinking down to the lowest Slytherin in the entire school._

_"We don't need him, Greg." Crabbe had said smiling at him. "We don't need to fallow anyone."_

_"You're right," Gregory had agreed but he hadn't meant it. Draco had been their friend, hadn't he? But Greg knew he was a follower, he easily did what other's told him. The problem with the entire even was Gregory knew no matter what Crabbe said or did he would gladly fallow Crabbe into the gates of hell._

Gregory continued starring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He heard the house elf skitter past him and move to other parts of the house. He heard Millicent go up into their room and he knew she wouldn't wait up for him. He wondered why she put up with him at all most days and it hit him hard every time. _She loves you, moron._ Gregory got up from the kitchen table and grabbed his traveling cloak and left out the back door.

"They don't understand at all," Gregory reminded himself. How were they meant to though? He'd never told anyone why Crabbe's death had hit him so hard even while in school no one knew about them.

_Gregory had always loved Crabbe, not that he'd say anything about it. Loving another boy was not something that The Dark Lord would approve of. Although Blaise never seemed to mind having flings with the Hufflepuff boy but Blaise wasn't Crabbe. Gregory had fantasies about Crabbe every night just holding him every waking moment but Crabbe would never go for that._

_"Now that Draco's out of the way Parkinson will have no choice but to go out with me." Crabbe had said to him as they'd left Defense against the dark arts that day. Gregory felt as if the entire world had dropped out from under his feet as Crabbe jogged over to catch up with her. Gregory had wanted to throw himself off of the highest tower. He'd turned and ran to the closest bathroom and slammed his hand into the mirror breaking it into pieces. He looked down at his bloody hand and flexed it._

_"Goyle?" Crabbe had asked entering the bathroom behind him. Gregory had stood completely still as Crabbe had walked up to him and grabbed his hand. "What the hell did you do that for?"_

_"I don't know." Gregory had lied and Crabbe had dragged him all the way to the medical wing and had told the witch that a Gryffindor had attacked him. Gregory had felt his entire body tingle as Crabbe had looked at him with worry._

Gregory stopped in the flower shop near his house, like he always did before going to the graveyard. He stood in front of the many selves of flowers and starred at them in wonder.

"Can I help you?" A girl asked walking up to him.

"...Sure," Gregory nodded his head.

"Are they for someone special?" She asked smiling widely at him.

"Yes, they are." Gregory said looking back at the flowers.

"How about some red roses then?" The girl asked picking up a dozen of them. "Girls love that sort of thing, you know?"

"They're...dead." Gregory said shifting uncomfortably.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The girl had the grace to blush as she set them back in the basket.

"You didn't know," Gregory shrugged his shoulders.

"Forget-me-nots, then." The girl said picking up a group of blue flowers and walking to the register. Gregory looked at them and felt his heart constrict.

_Gregory stood under the shower head as he felt the hot water beat down on his back. Crabbe hadn't let up on asking Pansy out and Gregory couldn't stand the sight of the girl anymore. She'd never say yes to going out with Crabbe but the simply fact that Crabbe kept asking was driving him insane._

_"Vincent," Gregory muttered as he grabbed the bar of soap. He lathered up the suds in his hand as he started to stroke himself roughly. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Crabbe's hand moving up and down on him. His breath hitched at the thought of Crabbe looking into his eyes while he jerked him off. Gregory felt the familiar tension in his stomach as he started to pump fasted. The door to the shower burst open but he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop the fantasy when it was all he had._

_"Goyle what are you doing?!" Crabbe's voice came from behind him causing him to cum hard._

_"Sorry," Gregory said as soon as his breathing slowed enough for him to talk._

_"Forget it," Crabbe said as he slammed the door behind him._

"Sir?" The girl said looking at him worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"Perfect." Gregory said as he laid down the muggle money on the counter. "That should cover it."

"That's more then-" The girl said looking puzzled as he took the flowers from her.

"Keep the change." Gregory said charging out of the flower shop. The cold night air felt nice against his skin as he marched to the graveyard. He knew it was a good couple of miles away but his mind wasn't on the task and apperating would surly go badly if he tried. As he walked he saw a muggle toy store and Millicent and his daughter tried to claw its way to the front of his mind but he pushed it away harshly.

_"You are such an idiot!" Crabbe growled grabbing Gregory's arm hard as they walked back to the common room._

_"No, I'm not." Gregory had said simply._

_"That was the worst I've ever seen a Cruciatus Curse cast!" Crabbe growled pushing Gregory into a broom closet._

_"It wasn't that bad." Gregory said pulling his arm out of Crabbe's grip._

_"You barely hurt that Hufflepuff!" Crabbe glared at him like he had committed a grievous sin. Gregory admitted to himself that he could have done it worse but the poor girl had looked at him just like his mother did when his father got drunk._

_"It was an off day; I'm allowed to have those." Gregory said standing straighter._

_"You were feeling sorry for that girl, weren't you?!" Crabbe accused._

_"I'll do better tomorrow." Gregory said simply pushing past Crabbe._

_"What's gotten into you lately? It's like you don't even care about hanging out anymore." Crabbe said punching Gregory hard in the head causing him to hit the door hard._

_"Could ask you the same thing." Gregory growled as he kicked Crabbe in the shin. He heard Crabbe fall against the wall. Gregory knew he should leave the broom closet but he turned around and punched Crabbe in the stomach. Crabbe winced and pulled out his wand pointing it at Gregory's face. Gregory stared at Crabbe for a long moment trying to calm his breathing. His mind raced trying to figure out exactly how far Crabbe would go to finish this fight._

_"What the hell did you mean by that?" Crabbe asked glaring at Gregory._

_"You spend all your time trying to make it with Pansy." Gregory said looking at the taller boy. "You know she'll never go for you."_

_"Shut up!" Crabbe said flicking his wand causing Gregory to be thrown against the wall. Crabbe walked over to him and held his arms above his head. "Why do you care?"_

_"I..." Gregory felt Crabbe tighten his hold on his arms. Gregory tried to wiggle out of his grip but Crabbe held on tightly._

_"Why do you care who I try to date, huh?" Gregory couldn't say it out loud but he knew Crabbe wouldn't let him go unless he admitted something. Gregory closed his eyes and tried to think. "I know you don't like her so why do you care?"_

_Without really thinking it through Gregory thrust his hips against Crabbe's. Crabbe stood completely still for a moment before thrusting his own hard against him. Gregory leaned forward pressing his mouth against Crabbe's as he rubbed against him. Crabbe had licked his top lip and shoved his tongue into his mouth when he'd opened it. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity grinding against each other until they both came._

_"This is never going to happen again," Crabbe had said stepping away from Gregory and running out of the Broom closet. At the time Gregory had cried until he could breath but a few days later it had happened again and again._

"Hello Crabbe." Gregory said as he stood over the grave stone bearing his name. "I decided to come early this year."

Gregory dropped the flowers on to the empty ground beneath the headstone. They had never found Crabbe's body after the Fiendfyre incident in that hidden room in Hogwarts. He had gathered the ashes from everything in the room and put it in a jar. He'd paid for everything for Crabbe's funeral. He sat down on the ground and traced the letters of VINCENT with his fingers.

"I always loved you," Gregory said sighing. "I think I'll love you until I die but I don't think I can come to see you anymore. Did I ever tell you my daughter was born on the same day as your death...couple of years in-between though."

Gregory leaned his forehead against the headstone as tears gathered in his eyes. "I have to let you go, Vincent. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."


End file.
